Oh my gosh Becky, I love this question. I am so ha...

2011-06-04T00:53:35.235-04:00

Oh my gosh Becky, I love this question. I am so happy to join this discussion, honestly. As you know, Chris and I have Cecilia who is almost 2-1/2. I have worked from home as a freelance graphic/web designer for close to 10 years. I have been able to keep my business going by working in the mornings, during her nap, when my mom can come and help, and evenings so I bring in a bit money for our family but no where near what I would if I had a full time job outside of the home. Once Cecilia enters pre-school this fall 3 days a week from 9-12pm I am hoping to get more work (and workout) done, and bring in more money and feel more sane with more time to myself. Our compromise is just to do what we can afford. In our case it would be irresponsible to have another child as I would be completely insane, I would not be able to work at all, and we would be broke and never own a home or take vacations, have extras, or be able to pay for 2 educations. And if I did work full time with my business, the money I make would be reduced down to so little if we paid for childcare for one or two, it just wouldn't make sense.

So that being our situation, I find that it has taken me a while to notice who the working moms are at the park since we don't go to park every day. We have playgroup, music classes, tumbling class, errands, and I put her in day care for an hour at the community center so I can work out 1-3 times a week, so the week fills up fast. The stay at home moms at our park that I know generally have an infant and a 2 year old and are totally exhausted, and leaning on each other for support. Either their husbands make enough money so it's not a problem, or they don't care about money, they want to have 2+ kids and that's that.

Bottom line is, I have become closest with other women who have a similar situation (work part time) and value system, parenting style to mine. I have met dozens of wonderful women/moms since I had Cecilia, and there is no way to spend time with them all. I find the ones that make me nervous, like I have to clean my house from top to bottom in order to have a playdate are not going to get as many calls or emails from me as the ones who are more laid back and we can be ourselves.

Soon all our kids will be in school almost full time. This is a temporary situation and I think you should feel that the moms who you connect with truly are the ones you should spend time with. You don't need the extra stress of wondering what some woman is thinking of you or your parenting/lifestyle! Bonding with other moms should be joyous and a validating relief from your internal struggles as we all have them.

Do NOT waste your time feeling guilty about working. As a mom in between both worlds I can honestly say, full time mothering will burn you out and deplete you faster than anything in the world and that's no good for your kids as you can easily turn into a monster! So having your own thing going on that is best for you is also best for them. Don't worry what full time moms think of you, just find the women that can understand YOUR feelings and that you LIKE!

Love you Becky! And love to Jay, Maggie and Ben too!

Totally. Every new group joined there's an ey...

2011-06-04T00:06:23.494-04:00

Totally. Every new group joined there's an eye over *what diapers does SHE use?* or *oh, I would never let my kid watch that/wear that/say that.* So much judgement. It's taken me six years to know who I really am and care less about what other mommies think. I think I'm incredible lucky to have stumbled on to the crowd I stroll with these days. It's funny that everyone wants their kids to be open minded, when really, a group of mommies can be the hardest to fall into place with.
Well written.

Comments on Life with Maggie and Ben: The Silent Mommy Wars

Oh my gosh Becky, I love this question. I am so ha...

Totally. Every new group joined there's an ey...