Which Way is Up?

I will turn thirty-five in a few short months.  I am trying hard to accomplish all of my goals; running a 1/2 marathon, losing weight, being a better mom, wife, trying to find a better work/life balance and make some choices in my career that place me where I want to be. All of these things put me into a Dr. Suess-like spin of which way is up, green eggs or ham kind of exsistence. I have written recently about missing friendships that have wavered or suffered due to busy schedules and long distances, I have written of my hectic life and trying to make time for it all, and I have written confessions of my bad habits and hopes to change my health for the better.  But doing all of these things is a much more difficult task then simply writing about them.  I have only run once this week.  I have a rough day at the office and stare at my blackberry phone book and try to think who I can call to talk about it with.  I end up turning to my mom a lot.  I talk the ear off of her, my husband and some coworkers who are friends but can be sick of the daily drone and moan of my complaints.  I realize that my suffering is self-inflicted and that I need to make some small changes in order to make the big ones successful. 

I have to listen to my gut.  I have to go with what it tells me to do, and not worry about the decisions I make and their consequences.  I feel that I go through the motions of it all, and the only time I sit and truly feel is when I get home at the end of each day and hug and kiss my children. I snuggle Ben until he worms out of my grasp, bounding for a ball to kick heartily across the floor.  He laughs and makes faces and says, "Milky?" for his milk.  He knows how cute he is when he says it too.  Maggie and I have movie night once a week where we get her some m-n-ms (just a handful in bowl) and we make popcorn and snuggle together under a blanket to watch the next Princess movie or Pixar release.  She will laugh and smile at me and turn to me during the parts when each Disney villain becomes a tad too scary and buries her face in my chest.  These are the moments that I treasure.  The laundry may not be done, the bills a scatter, my running shoes lie alone at the door waiting, and my cubicle at work looks like a tornado hit it, but I know which way is up.  Up is the direction I go to make the most of the time I have with the two babies that inspire me to be better in the first place.